Younger Than That Now
by allyssumdays
Summary: Sometimes we're forced to act like grown ups; act older than we want to be. But when we're finally to the age we acted, we can act the age we skiped. For AkuRoku Day!


-- **Younger Than That Now**

It was a bad day. All together.

First off, it was raining. Axel, being the bad-ass that he is, had gone to work on his motorcycle, and thus had to drive in the pelting rain back to his apartment in midday, bumper to bumper traffic that ignored his impatience. There wasn't even room to squeeze between the cars.

After making it home (finally), Axel tried to take a shower. Only to be zapped as soon as he stuck his hand under the water. Not good.

So he convinced himself to just dry off and head back over to the high school to pick up Roxas.

Now _that_ would at least go right. Right?

He made it just as the final bell rang; and it was the final bell, dismissing the students for three blissful months of boredom.

By the time he made it there, students' faces were peering through the windows, obviously discouraged about starting summer vacation with a downpour.

When the bell rang, some rushed out with the knowledge that: a, they were driving themselves home; or b, their ride was right there. Roxas would be the latter of the two.

Of course, there were those who just ran through the doors to be outside. Rain or no rain.

"Hey," Axel said as soon as Roxas was under the shelter of the car.

The blonde didn't smile. "Hey."

Automatically, Axel knew something was wrong.

"Anything on your mind?" He asked, pulling out of the school lot.

With a small shrug, Roxas replied, "Not... Really."

Green eyes flashed over to the other, but Axel didn't ask. Not yet. Driving away from any school at any time was dangerous, more so on the last day. And in the rain.

Once they were safely away, he asked softly, "Roxas, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

With a note of anger, Axel pressed, "Don't give me that bullshit. Something's up."

"Axel, I'm a big boy now," Roxas replied apathetically, "I can handle myself."

Contritely, Axel added quietly, "I know that, I just-- I hate it when you act like this."

"How am I acting?" The blonde asked.

"Like you're too much of a grown up to talk to me."

Out of the corner of his eye, Axel saw the other swallow harshly.

Then Roxas said, "I don't think... I can't do this anymore, Axel."

"...Rox..." Axel asked softly.

He continued, "It isn't that I--"

Axel swerved to the side of the road, into another parking lot, turning the engine off and turning to face Roxas fully.

"Go on."

Roxas sighed softly, looking through the window, trying to keep his thoughts straight.

"You graduated last spring, Axel." He presented softly, "And what have you done since then?"

With a confused look that was wasted on the blonde, Axel replied, "I've been working, you know--"

"But you were always talking about going to college before we got together." Roxas added.

"Yeah, but--"

Roxas shook his head, turning back. "You've been working since middle school to save up money, you even got that two-year scholarship."

"I don't see where you're going with this, Roxas." Axel said, now not only confused, but nervous.

Another sigh, shuddering. "What's keeping you here?"

"...Roxas, I stayed so I can be with you." The other admonished almost sadly.

He scoffed quietly. "Be realistic, Axel. Holding back for another person is a cocktail for failure."

Axel just blinked subduedly at the blonde for a moment. Blue eyes had returned their gaze to the rivulets of water rolling down the glass; the look was as numb as Roxas sounded, just as empty or more so. It left the redhead confused, hearing Roxas speak of things he never worried about before.

"Am I holding you back, Roxas?" He asked softly.

The other didn't hesitate to reply with, "If you won't move forward, you'll drag us both down."

His voice was dry and raspy, perfectly devoid of emotion.

"In another year, you'll have graduated, too." Axel said softly, "Then--"

"Then your scholarship will be no good." Roxas interjected sharply.

Axel stared at him for a moment, then asked with smoldering anger, "Roxas, I know what I'm doing."

"What's that?" Roxas asked, his tone similar. "Exactly what are you doing, Axel?"

He had turned back to the redhead again, eyes mirroring the gentle fury his voice held. It didn't make sense, not at all.

With a quiet, mirthless scoff, Axel said, "Just say what you mean already."

"I have to leave you."

The air in Axel's lungs suddenly disappeared, his heart frozenly pounding in his chest.

But he just sighed, resting his head on his steering wheel a moment before saying,

"Alright, Roxas."

He restarted the car, driving silently to Roxas' house. He felt like he was shaking the entire way, only knowing otherwise because his hands were steady on the wheel.

When they reached their destination, Axel followed the blonde up the front steps, where they paused for a moment.

Roxas looked far older than he should have. Like he'd already lived and learned, already knew better than to show emotion in that situation.

Whereas Axel stared down at him with evident pain in his eyes.

Sighing again, he reached out and pulled Roxas closer, pressing his lips to the other's forehead gently.

"Goodbye, Roxas."

He turned and walked away, back straight and misleading. Roxas didn't respond; Axel knew he wouldn't. That didn't stop the redhead from wishing Roxas would tell him to just stop, that he was done being stupid.

Climbing back into his car, Axel couldn't tell if he wanted to hate Roxas or cry for him.

The next day, Naminé showed up at Axel's door. Her eyes were shining and red-rimmed, as if she had been crying.

It showed in her voice when she said in a trembling voice, "He's gone."

"What?"

Axel pulled her into his apartment, confused and scared, wondering what had happened. He settled her onto his couch, sitting next to her and asking gently what she meant.

Naminé explained, hurriedly and with subdued hysterics, "Roxas stopped at my house a few minutes ago. His family's moving, they're already gone. He didn't tell anyone because he thought it might throw them off for exams or something stupid like that, and now he just..."

She was almost crying again, but held back the tears well, managing to just fiddle with the hem of her skirt.

"He... moved..." Axel repeated, his chest feeling empty and cold.

With a slight nod, Naminé continued, "He asked me not to say anything, that he was going to tell everyone once they were settled in their new house, but... I thought you should know."

"Moved..."

Turning to him, the blonde was alarmed at the blank, shocked look on Axel's face. As though things had come to an earth-shaking conclusion, a startling realization.

He ran a hand through his hair, finally saying, "I can't believe..."

Suddenly he crumbled against the back of his couch, limbs shaking uncontrollably, a hand over his eyes.

"That little... punk..."

_:Hey, it's Roxas. I probably can't find my phone, so leave a message and I'll call you back as soon as I find the damn thing:_

"_Pick up the fucking phone, Roxas. Now."_

"_You owe me a goddamn explanation for this bullshit!"_

"_Roxas, I know you have your phone, so just answer me already."_

"_Please talk to me, Rox."_

_:Four messages deleted:_

"I'm done holding you down, Axel. I'm sorry."

Two years passed; Axel went to a college in a nearby town, and garnered another scholarship. Turns out the pyromaniac had more than fire and air in his head.

He hadn't heard from Roxas, but Sora kept in touch with him, and informed the circle of friends whenever the blonde called.

Axel never really listened, afraid of what he might hear. He didn't wish bad things, but he didn't wish Roxas well.

He walked by Roxas' old house now and then. It didn't help, and he knew that. Because every time he did, he hoped softly that Roxas would be there.

It was like losing him all over again, every time.

The house was up for sale, but remained empty the entire time. The economy was in a slump, after all.

Some part of Axel knew he should thank Roxas for leaving. Because a high school diploma wasn't enough anymore, not in this day and age. The years of college would undoubtedly lead him to a stable job, a house, maybe a family one day.

He doubted the last part. Because another, much larger part of Axel smacked him in the back of his head and told him he was a dumbass for not going after the blonde.

The other part argued that it would be pointless, since Roxas didn't want to hold Axel down, and chasing after him, leaving his job and future behind, would prove his point.

Realizing the truth, the violent half scooted into a corner and muttered about he shoulda just kidnapped the kid in the first place.

Axel always chuckled after these conversations. They helped him through one particularly boring class. Of course, at first the professor asked what was so funny; Axel gave him a candid explanation, leaving Roxas' name out. He was promptly recommended for therapy. He just laughed. And switched into philosophy.

It was between spring and summer terms that year, and Axel was staying back at home, usually at Demyx's apartment. Sometimes he'd get drunk, though, and would wake up in some strange place such as Larxene or Zexion's place. They, meanwhile, were elsewhere; the fun part about being designated driver.

You can drop people off at the wrong house to freak them out.

"Shouldn't you be on your way back to school?" Demyx asked him one day. "I thought the term started next week."

Axel corrected, "Week after. And I think I'm gonna take a term off."

"And do what, sit around in my living room?" The blonde asked with a grin.

Rolling his eyes, Axel replied, "Nah, I think it's time to start looking for a better job, is all."

"Tired of being a lowly grease-monkey?" Demyx asked, poking the other in the temple, adding, "What, too good for it now?"

The redhead flicked him in the forehead, remarking, "Just tired of dealing with blondes like you and Larxene."

"What about..."

Demyx's voice trailed away, and Axel knew what he was about to say. He sighed, and flashed the other a slight smile.

"Roxas?" He supplied. "I got tired of him two years ago."

They both knew he was lying. But it was on of those walls that are built to keep things in. Not memories, but the pain that goes with them. You make yourself feel like you're okay.

Human nature.

Exhaling as he stood, Axel said, "I'm gonna go for a walk."

"Don't kill anybody." Demyx warned wryly.

With a sarcastically shifty look, Axel returned, "You can't prove anything!"

Both were laughing when the redhead stepped outside.

Five minutes later, Axel was still chuckling, reflecting how stupid they acted sometimes. But then, that's how things seemed to work with his friends. They all started out relatively normal, but side effects of prolonged exposure to each other included randomness, insanity, and inside jokes that weren't really inside.

_Except with Roxas,_ Axel amended lightly.

Then he shook his head clear of the thought. "Roxas doesn't count."

He walked down a mildly deserted street, filled only by elderly couples enjoy the sunshine, parents forcing yard work, and the occasional stray dog.

"How long are you visiting?"

Axel immediately picked up Naminé's voice in front of him, though he couldn't see through the minivan of preteen soccer-teammates.

He didn't hear her companion's reply, but she laughed and added, "Well, it's good to have you back."

The van pulled away, and as it made its way down the street it took Axel's wits with it.

Because Naminé was walking toward him with Roxas.

She saw him immediately, and smiled wider, saying something in a low voice that Axel couldn't hear. Roxas didn't appear to have heard it either; his eyes were locked on Axel's.

Naminé had turned and walked away, humming audibly a song he only vaguely recognized.

Roxas continued on his path, an ease to his pace that he'd never had before.

Axel started moving up to him as well, noticing with every step the changes in the blonde. Taller, obviously, after two years. His shoulders were stronger beside, to the point that Roxas didn't look like a skinny anorexic, as he always had. He wasn't so pale anymore, he actually had some semblance of a tan.

Days later, Axel would say that he had no idea when he noticed any of that.

Because all he saw was Roxas' face.

A smile. Small, soft, but genuine. And unfaltering, constantly focused towards Axel.

His eyes were more blue that they had ever seemed before. Brighter, clearer. And smiling more than his lips.

They were an arm's length away from each other when they stopped.

"Hey."

Axel didn't return the greeting. He was still pissed, after all. It was a little irrational, maybe, but he was still pissed. He couldn't decided whether, if he did respond, he would scream at the blonde or kiss him until he couldn't see straight.

Roxas was still watching him, his expression a little more neutral now. His eyes were still smiling, though; his head tilted a little to the right, curiously.

He pressed his lips together for a moment, then said, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Axel was surprised into saying.

With a small sigh, Roxas replied, "For... a lot of things, I guess."

"...I don't know if I can forgive you yet." Axel stated softly.

The other shrugged, "I didn't think you would, actually. I kinda expected to get punched, honestly. This is going pretty well."

Axel was forced back into silence. There was something-- _something_ about the way Roxas spoke, it was almost foreign.

"Are you okay?" Roxas asked, a small smirk on his lips.

The only thing Axel could come up with was, "Why'd you come back?"

"Well," Roxas began airily, "Besides the fact that I _grew up_ in this town, I thought... I thought it was time to apologize."

Next question: "Why didn't you just tell me you were moving?"

Roxas paused for a moment to exhale deeply.

"Because everyone was always saying how mature I was, and because I got to the point where I had to be mature or I wouldn't know who I was."

He paused again, looking away before continuing, "And because I knew you would've moved with us, and I decided that I wouldn't let you, because it wasn't fair, and the only way I could tell you without sounding absolutely pathetic was to sound reasonable and," He took in a breath, finishing, "Mature."

Axel, with no idea how, understood the other's explanation; he nodded slightly, finding himself without a response.

Blue eyes met his again reluctantly. Roxas didn't move, didn't say anything more.

With a harsh swallow, Axel asked, "And even after spending time with me, with our friends, you couldn't let yourself be immature for a moment?"

"...No." Roxas replied softly. "Not that moment. I had to leave the next day, I thought it'd be easier for you to let me leave you behind if you hated me."

He added after, "But I was so much older then, Axel, I... I'm younger than that now."

Which made Axel realize it was true. That explained it all, the change in Roxas. The way he could say what he meant and make sense, the character in his eyes that had been locked under a cool layer of ice before. It was like he'd finally become the person he was meant to be the entire time.

"I was-- I was wondering," Roxas asked, eyes cleverly avoid the other's again, "Well, I don't expect you to forgive me yet, if ever, but I just... I hoped we could still hang out once in a while."

Axel blinked at him for a moment, then glided easily over to the blonde. Roxas was caught by surprise, but didn't resist.

The elder stared down at Roxas unerringly, as though he was battling with himself.

Finally, he asked quietly, "Why'd you come back, Roxas?"

"I think I love you."

His answer surprised them both. Somehow, probably more so Roxas.

Several heartbeats of silence elapsed.

Then Axel tipped the other's head back gently, sealing their lips without pause; Roxas tangled his hand in Axel's hair, pulling him closer.

**!BEEP!**

Both jumped, suddenly aware they were standing in the driveway of a soccer-mom. Who would like to park, please.

Once safely out of the way, Roxas flashed the other a sheepish smile, remarking, "Still not forgiven, am I?"

"Not in the slightest." Axel returned with a feral grin. "No, Roxas, you have a lot to make up for."

With a large, dramatic sigh, the blonde asked, "Should I take notes?"

"It would be a good idea."

Roxas laughed; "Sorry, left my recorder elsewhere. Go ahead, though."

"Let's see, there's the emotional trauma you put me through, the six months of therapy," Axel listed airily, "Oh, and I actually went to _college_, that was an experience."

Giving him a sarcastically shrewd look, Roxas asked, "What kind of compensation are we talking about?"

With a look from the corner of his eye that was almost unreadable, Axel replied, "We'll start with you moving here."

"I was working on that anyways." The blonde conceded softly.

Axel froze for a second, then smiled and continued, "Good. Adding onto that thought, where will you be living?"

"Oh, just a little apartment somewhere." Roxas returned, adding, "Were will _you_ be living?"

To which Axel quipped, "Oh, probably some rinky-dink apartment somewhere."

"Oh, I see." Roxas returned, walking a little closer to the other. "Anything else I need to remember?"

With a small chuckle, Axel wrapped his arms around Roxas' shoulders, pulling him back against the elder's chest, holding him silently for a moment.

"Just one more thing."

Roxas nuzzled against the warm neck. "Hm?"

"I'm pretty sure I love you."

Axel could feel the other's heart racing, his breathing short and shallow.

Then Roxas laughed softly, muttering warmly, "Can't believe it took this long."

"Yeah, well," Axel added, "We're younger than we used to be, right?"

With a small sigh, Roxas replied, "Yeah."

And they stood there for a second, with only the sound of their smiles.

"HOLY SHIT, IT'S ROXAS!"

And, thanks to Hayner, the second only ever was a second.

Roxas chuckled, turning to Axel as best he could without pulling away.

"I love you."

Axel kissed him gently, knowing he wouldn't ever have to let him go again.

"I love you, Rox."

**Let's say this real quick.** I got the idea for this story from watching an episode of _Cold Case_; episode 79, or 10 of the fourth season, "Forever Blue". It was about a 1968 cop-killing that was never solved (obviously). At first it was thought to be a drug bust gone wrong, but it turns out...

Actually, I won't tell you. Just watch it. Because I didn't base the story on it, but rather the song that played at the end. _My Back Pages_ by Bob Dylan.

It. **Owns**.

The gist of the whole song is that the singer goes through a bunch of things, and then reflects, '_But I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now_.'

And that line stuck with me. That was all I heard of the song, really. I downloaded it, and listened to it every time I worked on this. I now have it mostly memorized.

So hope you enjoyed it, for those that read it. Happy AkuRoku Day, August 13th!


End file.
